Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Bubba died last week - on Wednesday Aug 23 - one day before Momma and Billy Bud, all in a different month - buried him on the 26th, Saturday - seemed for awhile the 24th followed us around like a grey cloud.

talking about anything - anything other than admitting that he is gone. seems/is so so sad. hard to stop and think about. though he has been gone for 14 years, now it seems final. finally he is free. finally he is home. laid him right there to the left of daddy - my left, his right - 'your way' as momma used to say.

he never even got to see where we had laid them all to rest - i am sure he sees now, but it isn't the same - will never be the same - can we stop the dying now?

son of his couldn't make it - we did our best to include daughter. comforting her. allowing her the space to grieve.

hard to control cries that have been suppressed for 14 years.

release. comes in all forms.

bubba. i remember - "bubba got a 'tick" and chasing you around with a stick, i remember horse shows, trail rides, frog giggin', jokes on the 'girls', "aunt jeanette, hand me a towel", jiggs, blaze, kitty lou, callie and you.

i will never forget the impact you made on my life - the good and the not so good - tag. - all is forgiven. i hope you knew that.


bubba, i don't know how to say good bye to you - you were the sun - the son - the light did shine on you brighter than anyone around.
i was your shadow and it's hard for the shadow to let go of the sun.

you accepted what life gave you with no complaints - taking it with a stand up attitude that causes one to take notice.

as i re-read the last letter you wrote - so much seems clearer - did u know? i think maybe u did. they say u do.

you forgave and sought forgiveness. you honored what was and moved through the pain.

i know your pain is over and your are in Gods love and now all those who have gone before you are with you and you are all watching us. so forgive me if i stumble, but damn bubba i am going to miss you so so much.

i love you,

Wendal Wade Rash
October 30, 1956 - August 23, 2006

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